alone

what is alone

why do we run from it

what drives us from it with such abandon

to lead us into moments so far worse

than loneliness

the darkest of dark

the coldest of cold

the fear of the fearful

yet some yearn for it as light

the air to breathe

the water to drink

the sun to burn the skin

creating spaces

secret spaces

in which to revel in it

to smile in the dark

in the cold

in which others weep

orginally written on March 16th, 2002

threads

strung upon threads
my life does live
delicately balancing
between them
so thin
so fragile
strength
unseen

how long
do i travel
upon one
or the other
is not always
up to me
bounced
as if
someone
just struck it
while playing a tune
unknown
to me

i yearn
to hold on
tightly
to this
current thread
that i dance upon
lightly
hoping
not to upset
any balance
that may
be there
unkown
to me

yet i want to hear
the tune that is being played
with my life
upon this thread
i crave to sing
aloud
unashamed
uncaring
of just
how out of tune
i might be

wanting to share
wanting to show
the emotion
that lies within
the raw feeling
of everything
that keeps rushing
to just below
the surface
of my
skin

wondering
if they could see
if they would want
to see
what lies
within me
stripped down
to the core
the essence
of what
i feel
singing words
that grip me
tug
the emotion out
along with tears
of everything
of loss
of love
of pain
of joy
of just
being
human
me


treading lightly
upon the threads
of my life
trying to keep
a balance
that i just
cannot
see

Giver

why did you show me a world
with so much beauty that i never imagined

why did you take my vision of love
and make it so plain
why did you give me all this
then leave me with pain

I would have been fine
just remaining numb
living a simple life
just playing dumb

but you came along
walked into the room
opened my eyes
and teared them so soon

you made me believe
everything was right
with me and my soul
such a wonderful sight

your lies were so sweet
and promises weak
I lived on each word
still when you'd speak

you built up my world
gave it real meaning
then tore it right down
my heart left bleeding

I never saw it coming
I truly believed
could not comprehend
how you could just leave

does it give you any joy
to know I'm this way
barely holding on
to my life every day

I wonder aloud
as I lie in my bed
my pillow bearing witness
to the tears that I shed

there is blame that is mine
my heart letting you in
but having faith in love
is my only true sin

I breathe and I breathe
for the hear and the now
you won't ruin my life
for this I do vow

we danced the dance
I played in your game
but someday I'll love
though I won't be the same

one day I will cherish
a love that is new
and find the one truth
I couldn't get from you

I'll awake each morning
with a purpose to try
stop searching for reasons
of why you chose goodbye

I won't go on living
just trying to cope
I will look to the future
find my reason to hope






*originally written at 12:05am february 12th 2006

Full Circle

Circling
as circles will do
Sprialing
through their movement
randomly
intersecting
circling
other circles

two such circles
have
intersected
hovered
circled
around each other
for a while
spiraled
within
each other's
wake
mixing
learning
discovering
creating
new
sprialing
energy

will they
sprial
till
they
entwine

only time
will tell
if they
come
full circle

tell me a story

let me close my eyes
and tell me a story
let me listen to your voice
softly
let me be taken
away from here
away from now
just
away

i need the distraction
i need the feeling
of being somewhere
other than here
other than now

it doesnt matter the story
you can make it up
as you go along
or tell me something
you heard
long ago

may it be simple
may it be complex
may it be anything
may it be a fairy tale
one conjured by you
by your own daydreams
of being
not here
not now

lost in your voice
lost in your words
i wish to be
softly carried
on a cloud of imagination
to a different land
different from here
different from now

it doesnt have to be
a long story
a long trip
it just has to be one
so i may forget
right here
right now

momentarily

peaceful